


Without Me

by Mocheeeey279



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: 3RACHA is an idol group, 3racha love each other, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Bang Chan & Han Jisung | Han & Seo Changbin are Best Friends, Hurt/Comfort, I always hurt Jisung im sorry, Inspired by Music, M/M, Moving On, Post-Break Up, Red String of Fate, Reminiscing, ish? it's referenced, maybe? :] maybe not, the others are just vibing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-05
Updated: 2020-11-05
Packaged: 2021-03-08 03:02:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,227
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26838670
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mocheeeey279/pseuds/Mocheeeey279
Summary: When you're left to gather the pieces what do you do?What do you do when the dream you've been living crashes down on you?What's stopping you from dropping everything and running?Jisung has one way in mind but it won't stop him from hurting.
Relationships: Bang Chan & Han Jisung | Han & Seo Changbin, Han Jisung | Han/Lee Minho | Lee Know
Comments: 8
Kudos: 40





	Without Me

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!! I'm back w/ another Minsung angst! This took awhile to write, I was very conflicted and unhappy with the flow of the story until I sat down and tried my best!
> 
> A special dedication to Ana and Bianca on twitter too for helping me out!! I love you guys and I'm so happy to have you as my moots and friends <3333
> 
> Onwards with the story!!

There will be a time in your life, at least once in your lifetime, that you may encounter love at its' purest form. This love will take you on a whirlwind adventure, taking you through the highest highs and the lowest lows. 

This love will show you how to love and be loved. 

_"Hyungie, happy birthday! Surpriseeee!"_

_"Thank you, Sungie! Is... Is that a locket?"_

_"With a selfie of us and Soongie, Doongie and Dori!"_

_"I love it, Sungie. Thank you."_

But this love can ruin you. Shatter you beyond the point of recovery, break you down to the very core. Shake you to your bones. 

_"You said that we were in this together!"_

_"You don't understand, this is important to me!"_

_"And me?! You promised!"_

_"Well, promises are just made to be broken, aren't they?"_

And then you're left with the aftermath, broken shards laid around you. What do you do from then on? How do you move forward? What should you do now?

What's stopping you from dropping everything and running? 

* * *

"5 minutes 'till you're on stage, J.One!" 

"Gotcha, thanks!" Mic? Check. Rings? Check. Expensive choker? Check! 

Right. He's ready to do this. 

.

.

.

 _Right_? This is what he wants, right? It's been a year but it feels so fresh in his mind... Has it really been a year already?

Months without Mi—No! No more! He promised himself that he'd stop thinking about him. He can go fuck himself after what happened. He's here because of him anyway. 

"Sung? You ready?" Jisung snapped out of his reverie to look at Chan who stood behind him with a warm smile, Changbin stood next to him with his arms crossed. They weren't joining him for this performance.

Not this time.

This was personal. 

"Yeah, Chan-hyung. I'm ready. Get some rest during my solo, okay?" Jisung gave them a cheeky wink, Chan cackling and Changbin shaking his head with fondness.

"We'll join you later. Are you sure you want to do this, Sungie?"

He's sure, isn't he?

He's spent months thinking about this, dwelling over this muddled thought of his. Why is he doing this?

To give a statement? To tell him to fuck off? To move on?

Jisung's not entirely sure. But he feels like this is right. 

"I have to, Hyung. It's... It feels right." Chan gave him a pitying smile, his eyes seemed tired, even more so than what they usually were. "I understand, Sungie. We'll be here. You'll do great out there." Jisung gave a decisive nod before stepping on the platform that would take him up to the stage. 

This was it. 

Before he was raised onto the stage, his grabbed his mic and spoke into it.

"What's up, everybody!" Jisung reveled in this cheers that greeted him. 

"Before we start the next performance, I'd like to start off by saying thank you to everyone who attended tonight. You guys are the best." Jisung's hands trembled so minutely, he was _so_ nervous.

Anxious with what the audience might think. "I'm sure you've known how bad I was these past few months. I'm sorry." The crowd simmered down, there were still screams of encouragement. Their fans knew what had happened. It went public, as well. 

"Thank you for sticking with me. Thank you for your continuous support towards 3RACHA. Tonight... Tonight, I dedicate this song to the one who took my heart and broke it to **_pieces_**. Tonight, I'm deciding to say, 'Fuck you!'. To the broken and the damned, this is for you."

When the first few beats of his song started playing, the crowd roared with cheers and howls. 

_Found you when your heart was broke.  
_ _I_ _filled your cup until it overflowed._

Jisung emerged from beneath the stage, falling easily into his persona of J.One. He'd chosen this song months ago, choosing to sing this at their concert.

Tonight would've been their 5 year anniversary. The ache in his heart would never really go away despite all these months apart.

Did he feel the same, Jisung wonders. Did he miss them as much as Jisung did?

Suddenly, he's transported back to their first meeting in front of the animal shelter, the very same night that Jisung had just saved a kitten.

_"Hi, my name's Jisung. Han Jisung. I uhhh... kinda saved a kitten?"_

_"Hey, Han Jisung." He could still hear his poorly hidden huff of laughter "Need any help?" Jisung's breathe choked in his throat, the worker was beautiful, one of the most attractive man that Jisung has ever met._

_"Yeah, that'd be great... What's your name by the way?"_

_"Minho. Lee Minho, at your service."_

His first demise. 

_Took it so far to keep you close,_  
 _I was afraid to leave you on your own.  
_ _I said I'd catch you if you fall._  
 _And if they laugh, then fuck 'em all._

When they first dated, Jisung was so scared to leave him to his own devices. Any moment apart was painful for Jisung, it made him anxious and scared, if Jisung wasn't there for him, what would happen?

Jisung lost a part of himself to keep him close to him, just to lessen the ache in his heart. 

_"Thank you for being by my side, Sungie."_

_"Of course, hyung. You're always my priority."_

Jisung made true of his promise to always support him. He'd always encourage him and support him in his endeavours, catching him whenever he'd fall to his knees.

_"Hyung, you're an amazing dancer! You should try becoming a trainee, you'd do great! You can sing, dance and rap. You'd be a triple threat!"_

_"You really think so, Sungie?"_

_"I **know** so."_

Jisung had his fair share of bruises and cuts, whether from catching him or from punching the absolute shit out of the people who taunted them, he lost count.

Jisung had always gave the world a big ' _ **Fuck you!**_ ' for treating them the way it did. 

He was just a squirrel look alike who wanted to protect his precious gem. 

_"You really need to stop punching other people. I can't keep treating the cuts and bruises on your handsome face and knuckles."_

_"No, not unless they stop talking about you like that, hyung."_

_"Oh, Sungie... No one will ever stop. That's just how life is here."_

_And then I got you off your knees,_   
_Put you right back on your feet,_   
_Just so you could take advantage of me._

Despite what life would throw at them, Jisung would always be there to pick him up from his knees and plant him back on his feet. To push him to keep moving forward towards his dream. **Their** dream.

They always shared the same dream, the same goal. Jisung was so sure that they'd always stick with each other no matter what. They were inseparable, too close knit, too intertwined with one another to be divided. 

_"You can do it, hyung! Don't give up!"_

_"Don't listen to them, hyung. You're improving! C'mon, I'll help you!"_

_"Hyung, some day we'll stand together on the stage, side by side like we always dreamt of."_

But Jisung was too blind to see.

_Tell me how's it feel sittin' up there,_   
_Feeling so high but too far away to hold me,_   
_You know I'm the one who put you up there,  
Name in the sky,  
Does it ever get lonely?_

Jisung sang this line with so much raw emotion that he felt like crying. As he moved forward on the stage, he could feel his legs wobbling slightly, he wanted to fall on his knees and scream to the world.

He didn't understand how they ended up this way. He didn't understand how much they had fallen apart. This situation was eye-opening to him.

It was laughable even.

The cosmic universe gave him the most amazing gift only for it to become his greatest nightmare right in front of him. What a joke.

Jisung had put his name out there, made it known and sought after.

_"Chan-hyung! Have you met my hyungie? He's an amazing trainee!"_

_"Younghyun-hyung! Are you well? How's the band? Oh, this is my hyungie! He's suuuuuper talented!"_

_"Mark-hyung! Oh, me? I'm doing just fine! 3racha's starting to make a name for ourselves. By the way hyung, have you heard of this triple threat trainee?"_

In the end, he left him all the same. He gave him a platform for his career, made it possible for his name to be out there in the first place. There were many nights were Jisung cried himself to sleep, his heart hanging on a thread, hoping that he'd share the same troubles.

Hoping that he had just as hard as a time as Jisung did. Hoping that his heart suffered as much Jisung's did. 

Was he lonely without Jisung? Did he miss Jisung?

The cold, empty feeling of **their** bed was his only answer. 

_Gave love 'bout a hundred tries (hundred tries)  
Just running from the demons in your mind  
Then I took yours and made 'em mine (made 'em mine)  
I didn't notice 'cause my love was blind_

Back then, it was impossible to imagine a future where they'd be so far apart. A future where they were not with each other at all times. But now, this was their reality. This was the harsh reality that Jisung would have to live with. 

_"What.. What do you mean, hyungie?"_

_"I just think that we're not working anymore, Han." Han? Since when did you start calling me by that name?_

_"What do you mean, hyungie? W-We're still fine, aren't we? Is it because I didn't do the laundry o-or wash the dishes? I'm sorry, hyungie. I'll go do it right no--"_

_"Damn it, Jisung! How hard is it for you to understand that **I just don't love you anymore**!" Jisung felt his whole word crash to the floor, the beautiful mirage of their romance shattered and crumbled right in front of him. _

_"...You.. don't love me anymore?" His voice cracked but the pain laid deeper, a Cyclamen flower blooming from the crack in his heart._

_An end to his bliss._

_"You're in the way of my debut. I worked too hard for anything, **anyone** to stop me now."_

_That was the last that Jisung ever saw of Minho. He doesn't remember much from that night other than the fact that he passed out from crying._

_Thinking you could live without me,_   
_Live without me  
Baby, I'm the one who put you up there  
I don't know why, yeah  
_

Jisung couldn't stay at, what used to be, their shared apartment. He was gone, he had left and had taken a part of Jisung with him. Jisung stayed with Changbin and Chan who gave him hugs and comfort when he'd burst into tears at random intervals. 

He could barely function, staring blankly at the wall, phone left forgotten. He spent a month without his phone, worrying his friends since it was so abnormal to see Jisung without his phone. 

It took him another week of coaxing and encouragement from Chan, Changbin _and Felix_ for him to pick up his pencil and start writing his emotions into a song. 

"We can never understand what you're going through, Hannie. But we know the best outlet for your emotions." Chan handed him his book full of lyrics and a pencil.

Jisung hesitated for a few seconds before shakily reaching out to grasp the book. 

Jisung ended up writing a total of 5 songs all in the span of 2 weeks. It became 3RACHA'S most emotional album and their best seller coincidentally. 3RACHA was already signed under a company but with the release of this album, their popularity sky rocketed and they quickly became global superstars. 

There are still nights where Jisung goes to sleep thinking about him.

_T_ _hinking you could live without me,_   
_Thinking you could live without me,  
Baby, I'm the one who put you up there  
I don't know why (yeah, I don't know why)_

Then the news broke. A popular news reporting website, if you can call it that, released an article about Jisung and him. Jisung ran to the bathroom and threw up when he saw the headline.

**_'SUPERSTAR IDOL, 3RACHA'S J.ONE'S SECRET RELATIONSHIP WITH ROOKIE IDOL LEE KNOW.'_ **

Jisung cried in Chan's arms, crying for the injustice that he's had to face. The world knows now and he can't hide it any further. Chan and Changbin had, undoubtedly, became furious. They demanded to know where the source came from and to sue the news site. 

Meanwhile, poor Jisung stayed at home, heartbroken and mind tired. 

He'd wallow in his misery for weeks on end if it weren't for something he saw.

He had decided to go onto twitter after the article was posted. As expected, there were many negative comments about him and the article. Tons of them. 

But for some reason, Jisung was drawn to read the positive ones instead, comments where people proudly exclaimed their support with Jisung and the outrage at the invasion of privacy. The youngest of 3RACHA started to cry once more, not because he was sorrowful this time, but because he was touched from the overwhelming support and love from his fans.

Jisung would not allow himself to wallow in sorrow any further. 

_You don't have to say just what you did_   
_I already know (I know)_   
_I had to go and find out from them_   
_So tell me how's it feel (oh-woah)_

This is where Jisung stands right now. In front of their fans, singing his broken heart out to the world. He was tired of crying. He was tired of feeling this stabbing pain in this heart. But it didn't stop his eyes from watering, neither did it stop the sob that stopped him in the middle of his singing. 

It was a pathetic look for an international superstar, Jisung thought. To have a hand over his mouth, tears rolling down his cheeks as he thinks back to everything he's lost. In front of their fans, no less. 

But instead of boos, Jisung was swarmed with a loud cheer, screams that encouraged him to keep singing. This was his dream. 

To stand on a stage and perform his heart out in front of a crowd of people who loved their music. 

It was just a shame that the one person Jisung had so desperately wished to stand here next to him was gone from his life forever. Another sob bubbled in his throat and soon enough he was crying but his pride to finish his performance trumps over his emotions.

Jisung wiped his tears away, cleared his throat and sang the last few lines of the song before he'd, inevitable, fall and cry.

_Thinking you could live without me_   
_Thinking you could live without me_   
_Baby, I'm the one who put you up there_   
_I don't know why (yeah, I don't know why)_

As he finished the last few notes of the song, Jisung took big gulps of air, looking at the crowd in front of him. He lowered his mic, still breathing heavily. He was eternally grateful for all of this, insanely happy that he's able to come to this point in his career. 

But there's still a sense longing somewhere in his heart, so deeply ingrained that he thinks that it will never go away.

They were always so deeply intertwined with one another, two peas in a pod. Two souls who shared the same world. 

So how come he's left here, half of a puzzle piece, forever cursed to be incomplete. 

' _ **I hate him.**_ ' Jisung thinks but his heart will always say otherwise. So he'll bury his feelings for now, until they can meet again, until they are reunited to be together.

As the next set for 3RACHA started to play, Jisung closed his eyes and fell back into the persona of J.One. Not Han Jisung who was heartbroken. Not Han Jisung who desperately missed Minho. 

* * *

Somewhere, in a secluded hallway of the concert hall, someone slid down the wall, cradling their head in their arms. From afar, no one could see the tears that slid down his face, the soft sobbing that left his lips. 

"Jisungie... My Sungie.. I'm so sorry. I broke our promise, I'm so sorry." The man cried harder, thinking back to the source that landed him in this mess.

_"You either break up with him and debut or stay with him and tarnish both his name **and** yours."_

A locket dangled from his neck, a painful reminder of what he's lost from his own foolishness.

Why had Minho been so foolish? He should've fought harder for Jisung. For them. But he wanted to protect Jisung. 

At least, he thought he was. 

Now, what they ended up with were two broken hearts.

* * *

But as the universe would have it, two hearts that were destined to be together would always end up together in one way or another. When an unbreakable red thread connects the hearts of two individuals, they're bound to gravitate back to each other as the universe destined them to be. 

But a happy ending does not guarantee that the road will be a happy one. As destined as one can be, reality serves us turmoil and uncertainty. 

We can walk the road hand-in-hand with our loved ones, engulfed in a blanket of security but there are times in our lifetime where we have to walk the long winded road, alone and lost. 

As lonely as we may seem, we are never truly alone. 

Simply stars in the sky that have yet to twinkle with its companion. Therefore, no matter how long or how winded the road is, the two stars that are meant to shoot across the sky together will find their way to each other again.

Maybe that's why Jisung had hope. Maybe that's why Jisung never really moved on from Minho. Somewhere deep in his heart, a thin thread held onto dear life, knowing that he'd be home in the future. And when Jisung and Minho would reconcile and return back into each other's arms, all would be right. 

Jisung would stop crying his drunken nights away. 

Minho would stop working himself into exhaustion.

Slowly but surely, they met back onto that road, hand-in-hand and no longer lonely. The only time the world would become their witness is when the same news site would release pictures of them leaving a cat cafe, hand-in-hand and deaf to the world around them. 

Nothing but large smiles and twinkling eyes shared between them. They went through a great deal of pain, years of heartbreak and heartache but the thin thread that connects their hearts stood against the test of time.

When the universe has destined it to be then so it shall be. Minho would spend the rest of his days telling the world that he was very much in love with Han Jisung and he would be proud of it. Jisung would still be Minho's support in his ever growing career despite the backlash that may follow.

They were tied together, two peas in a pod, inseparable. Their roads will have a different journey but, in one way or another, they'll converge to become a path that they can walk together again. 

For now, all was well with them. 

**Author's Note:**

> That's all from me folks! If u wanna scream abt skz or txt w/ me, hit me up on twitter @sungflowrr :) <3
> 
> Have a great day, ily all <333


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